No Motivation=No Results

I said a while back that I would keep everyone posted on my weight loss goal.  I FAILED! Miserably.  I would lose 6 pounds, gain 5 back, lose 5, gain 6, and so on.  I am back where I started.

It doesn't help that I have zero motivation lately.  I don't know why, but I just can't seem to feel like exercising much outside of derby practice and riding my bike to work.  I have also been eating basically whatever is put in front of me without caring about the consequences.

I found some motivational quotes this week that will hopefully help boost my mind to do what my body needs:

''If you are on a diet to lose weight and feel like having a snack, eat an apple. If you aren't hungry enough to eat an apple, you aren't hungry enough for a snack.''

"Adequate sleep is absolutely essential to maintain a healthy body because that is when the body rebuilds itself.''

"The total amount of physical activity is more important for achieving health benefits than frequency, intensity, or duration."

"Research shows that weight training can improve your self-esteem."

"Plyometric exercises are high-intensity moves designed to increase muscle speed and power. Plyometrics often involve jumping."

"Enjoy your foods and appreciate each bite. Chew carefully and slowly and don't overeat."

"The low level of physical activity among people is a major contributor to the burden of chronic disease."

"The more lean muscle you have, the more calories you'll burn, even when you're staying perfectly still."

"The best physical activity is the one that is enjoyable enough to do regularly."

I will keep trying.  I will not give up.  I know I will fall but I will keep getting up and trying again.  One day, I WILL achieve my goal.

Get on the Right Page

I have learned a lot about teamwork in the last 4 years in roller derby.  I have learned a lot about life too.  When I bring derby and life together and think about the community that derby provides for people I think about how it can be successful or not.

People pay to play derby for an outlet.  People, from all walks of life come together as they are, with all the broken pieces of their lives and with all their life battle scars.  Their scars could be an abusive relationship, grieving death, low self-worth, or a sexual identity crisis.  The list goes on and on. If the outlet becomes too stressful or too much work and not enough fun, it is no longer an outlet.  You have to find a way to balance it all.

I fight with my husband a lot among my other scars.  Bringing home grief to add to that fighting does nothing to help.  My husband knows I love roller derby but if I'm coming home to him bitching about it, he naturally wants to fix it for me.  However, he can't fix it so he just gets mad at the fact that I keep doing it even though I'm pissed off at some aspect of it.  We end up fighting about derby then too.  I need to learn to hang things up at the door at practice and at home.

For a community, marriage, or relationship to be successful, people have to work together toward common goals.  They need to edify each other.  Edify means to build up, uplift, construct, strengthen or establish.  People with broken pieces need to be built up to be successful.  Breaking down those pieces will take longer and longer each time to build them back up.  Your teammates will make mistakes, but tearing them down when they make mistakes does not edify them.  Mistakes should be an opportunity to strengthen a teammate. 

When people pay to play something, they are customers. Just like any other business, if you don't have good customer service, your customers won't continue to come back.  Roller derby is not a paid sport and should never be treated as such.  Therefore when dealing with the business end of derby, care should be taken when dealing with disagreements in the business.  You wouldn't fly off the handle to your boss or a customer and you can't do it in the business of derby either or it just won't be successful.

Success can be had if genuine care is taken and people cooperate.  Simply put, the whole team has to be on the same page.

Trouble with Motion Sensors

This is not one of those "about life" blogs that I usually try to hit on.  It's one of my newer pet peeves.  I have come to despise the motion sensors in bathrooms.  They either don't work correctly or are too sensitive.

Let me elaborate. 

The problem with the sink motion sensor is that you can stand there waving your hands in front of it for five minutes and it still won't turn on and then when it does you're so frantically waving your hand because it wasn't working that you miss the water entirely and it shuts off again before you get your hand under the faucet.

The problem with the paper towel motion sensor is that it either dispenses towel when no one is there or it doesn't dispense any at all.  Enough said about that.

The problem with the toilet motion sensor is that if it doesn't sense that you've gotten off the toilet you either have to flush it by hand anyway or the person in front of you didn't flush it by hand so you come to a gross stall that no one uses because it is too disgusting to flush someone else's waste.  If the toilet sensor is too sensitive, it flushes while you are still on it and sprays disgusting toilet water all over your backside.  GROSS!!

Let's just go back to the regular handle faucets and flushers as most of the time we end up having to do it ourselves, or worse, leave the bathroom without washing our hands because the water won't come out.  If people are germaphobes, then they can install foot pedals to operate the faucets/flushers.  You can use your elbows to turn on faucets and pump the paper towel lever if need be too.  Remember, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.  This is one of those times.

Life=The Endless Lesson

I came across these life lessons on another blog and thought I would share them with you.  The author's name is Jonathan.  I think Jonathan has a pretty good idea about life and the lessons it has to teach us all.

1. Often those who aren’t the easiest to love are the ones who need it the most.
2. Seeing children play can make even the bluest day brighter.
3. Money is not the root of all evil, fear is.
4. The secret to happiness is the acceptance of yourself.
5. Happiness is not based on external status, it is an internal state.
6. Money can’t make me happy, but self-sufficiency gives me the freedom to share myself creatively, without worrying about how I’m going to pay the bills.
7. Every man has a right to choose his own destiny.
8. The path is the way.
9. Coming is going, going is coming.
10. The hardest is found in the easiest.
11. Heaven and hell exist here and now, within your own mind.
12. Life is the largest stage.
13. Music is one of the most supreme expressions of life. It is art in it’s most transitory form. It is gone within an instant, and therefore, extremely precious.
14. Follow your gut, you’ll thank yourself later.
15. Remember what your mother taught you, it came from the most sacred place of love that exists.
16. Never let an argument last, never hold a grudge, it will make your heart heavy.
17. Forgive those that have yet to do you wrong, and you won’t have to worry about it should the time come.
18. Be grateful for this moment, it is all there is.
19. The source of most of your frustrations and anxiety are the result of living in the future, or the past.
20. Spend time alone with yourself every day.
21. Always go with yourself, never against yourself.
22. You have to be your own best friend.
23. If you don’t like what someone else says to you, you can walk away. But if you don’t like what you say to yourself, you can’t walk away. Therefore, if you’re going to be with yourself all the time, you might as well be nice to yourself.
24. The truth shall indeed set you free.
25. Lies only exist if we believe in them.
26. Even the most fundamental beliefs about reality are not true in themselves. Our thinking makes them true in our experience.
27. Your thoughts create reality.
28. The biggest lie is the lie of your imperfection.
29. Being kind is more important than being right.
30. Your heart is your best compass.
31. Cherish those that you love, you never know if you’ll see them again.
32. Your beliefs are a filter for your reality.
33. Love is the supreme expression of life, it is the essence and ground of all creation.

Live, laugh, and most of all LOVE.  Have a happy, long Memorial Day weekend and enjoy it with those you love.  Be safe too.

Another Victim of Senseless Violence

Copied from another blogger:

Roller derby is one big family. No matter where you live or who you play for, we help out our own in their most troubled times.

Lori, aka Lmbr Timber Onu #88 of Emerald Coast Roller Derby, was the victim of a horrific domestic violence attack on Easter Sunday. She remains hospitalized with serious injuries from being kicked repeatedly in the face.

Not only is Lori a derby girl, but she served in the US Air Force and was deployed to Saudia Arabia during Operation Southern Watch while protecting the then “No Fly Zone” over Iraq.

Lori is now a full-time student pursuing a master’s in social work and is a single mother of 2 daughters. She now needs our help to cover the medical expenses from emergent care and reconstructive surgery.

Whether you want to support someone who served our country, help out a fellow derby girl, or simply take some direct action in the fight against domestic violence, please donate.

If you would like to make a donation, you can send it to :

First Citizens National Bank Attn: Scott Luce
391 Main Street, Genesee PA 16923

Checks need to be made payable to : Kristine Milkeris-Smith

Please write : “Lori Milkeris medical” in the memo line

For more information please visit:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lori-Aid-2011/195305623846343?sk=wall

Derby Breaks Hearts

I haven't written in a while...writer's block I guess.  I will try anyway since I have had things spinning around in my head.

Fact:  I LOVE roller derby.

Fact:  Derby has broken my heart MANY times.

Fact:  Derby will NOT love me back.

Fact:  I STILL love roller derby.

Derby is not for the faint of heart.  This is my opinion, not fact.  I have been involved in derby for over 3 years.  When I first started, I misunderstood the goals of the team as they were not clearly spoken.  Maybe it would have saved me some heartache had the goals been clearly stated from the beginning, but that doesn't really matter now.

In my first season with my team, if I wasn't put in a game or jam I thought it was because my team didn't believe in me.  I believed in myself so much that someone told me I entered the pack with no fear.  I had my ass handed to me many times, but I would get right back up and keep entering that pack with no fear.  This went on, scrimmage after scrimmage, bout after bout, but eventually, I started doubting myself and it affected my performance and my attitude.

I made the decision to work harder outside of practice to better myself so my team would see how hard I was working.  Throughout my second and third season I got put in the game more and more as I improved my speed, skill, agility and experience.  This boosted my ego little by little.  But I would have my heart broken many times even during this time.  I won't go into all the details, but there can only be 5 girls from a team out on the track at a time, and if I wasn't chosen it was hard not to take it personally. 

When the new girls came in each season during boot camp, I would watch them with indifference at first because I didn't want them taking my place of course, but then would see them struggle with things I struggled with and it made me empathetic.  Some believe in themselves and the ones that don't struggle even longer.  I see derby breaking their hearts too.  I halfway want them to play and I would gladly sit out if I could take their anguish and frustration away.  They have become sisters to me.  We fall, get hurt, sweat, bleed, laugh, cry, and experience ups and downs TOGETHER, just like family.

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger right?  So it goes with hearts broken by derby.  The good that comes out of getting up each time you are knocked down (by life, not on the rink) is learning to love yourself.  Every time derby didn't go the way I thought it should go, I thought of how I could make it better.  I stopped smoking, I eat healthier, I exercise 10+ hours per week, and I make quality family time because I need it.  I have found that the more I love myself, the more I am able to love those around me, including my derby family.  The new girls will go through the same heartache, and I can only pray that they are strong enough to endure so they can learn this HARD lesson too. 

If you were wondering, I made it to the Allstars team in my second season and now, entering my fourth season, I probably play 50% of each game.  I continue to have my ass handed to me at times too, and I just get right back up and skate my face off.  Hard work AND LOVING YOURSELF does pay off.

Loving IS Letting Go

Buddy was the best dog ever!  My 14-year-old son was a baby when we got him.  He was a hyper, yet very gentle dog.  My kids could sit on him, pull his eyes, and basically do anything else to that dog and he wouldn't even growl.  I always thought of him as the best example of God I would ever see on earth.  He was so forgiving and so ready to please. 

A friend told me that when we chose to let him go we returned the love he had for us.  That is comforting at this most difficult time.

You see, yesterday we put our 15-year-old dog Buddy to sleep.  It was probably THE hardest thing I have ever had to do in my lifetime.  I keep picturing him going and I feel horrible, yet at the same time I know we did the right thing.  His body gave out way before his heart did, and we just couldn't make him stick around as long as he wanted to for us.  We love him too much to have watched him suffer.

I already miss him whining to go outside.  The house seems empty without him there.  My other dog Missy knows something is different too, but not sure if it has really sunk in for her.  The look she gave me when I left for work was a puzzled one.  I hope she doesn't get too depressed.

I miss him more than I thought possible and I thank God for giving me such a long time with him.  He was one old dog.  RIP Buddy.  I'll see you again someday.