Friday, September 7, 2012

If Courage was Contagious...

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.-Maya Angelou

Whirling thoughts have overwhelmed me lately. I think about all the mistakes I have made and what some of my mistakes have cost me. I think about the courage I have found to admit my mistakes and how I am no longer afraid of what people think. I am not a bad person. I am a good person who makes mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone can admit their mistakes or faults. It takes a great deal of courage to do this.

I feel like I need to scream, laugh, and cry all at the same time. I miss laughing. Sure I laugh, but I miss the deep hysterics I have on occasion with close friends where your face hurts afterwards. I don't miss crying, but I feel like I need to do it a lot these days. I am not one to scream, but I feel an overwhelming rage sometimes and feel like screaming might quiet that rage somehow. But things cannot be undone. I look forward to the day that the rage is gone forever.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.-Winston Churchill

I have had to face myself and my imperfections. Everything is not pretty, but I am still proud of who I am. I work hard, I love my children and my husband, I take care of myself, and I try to help others and be kind to people. My experiences have led me to where I am today and put me just where I need to be to deal with the life-changing events that I am facing now. I am sorry it took such a devastating blow to teach me these lessons, but I am also glad to know what I know now. I am gaining some necessary tools through this experience to enrich my life and the lives of those I love.

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.-Benjamin Franklin

I have done so many things I thought I couldn't in these last months. If you want your life to change, you have to start with you. Maybe you need to leave an abusive relationship, stand up for what you believe in, forgive someone, lose weight, or simply get out of bed on days you don't want to (I have a lot of those days) and your mind is telling you to just give up. I choose not to listen to the voice inside myself that gives me excuses or tells me I can't. I choose to listen to the voice that tells me I can. The more I listen, the less I hear the stupid excuses in my head. This is courageous. I acknowledge my fears and then do it anyway. Kinda like roller derby. When I fall or get hit hard, a voice in my head might be telling me to give up and not get back up, but the voice I listen to is the one that tells me to get back up QUICK time after time and that I CAN.

The one character trait I hope my children "catch" from me is courage. I am strong, and I hope for my children to be even stronger. I hope they get back up every time, even when it's the hardest thing they will ever do.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.-Eleanor Roosevelt