Thursday, December 30, 2010

Any Hurt Feelings

I want to make sure it is known that the blogs I write are not about any one person but myself.  They are about MY experiences and MY thoughts.  These are my opinions, not fact.  These are my feelings and I am responsible for them.  No one is responsible for the way I feel.  I am singling no person out nor is that my intention.  Most of the personal subjects I write about have happened more than once and/or have impacted me in a big way.  If anyone is offended or hurt by what I write, I am truly sorry.  My only suggestion is not to take anything I write to heart.  I truly love my friends and would never want to damage any relationship by my musings.  If it truly bothers you, please speak up.  I would be happy to discuss it.

Happy New Year everybody!  Be safe and have fun!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Fun Christmas Facts

I like to learn about how holidays came about and how traditions grow over time.  I will share some things I have learned about Christmas since it is that time of year after all.

Gift giving was actually started by Pagans for Saturnalia and Christians who agreed that the gifts could symbolize the presents brought to baby Jesus continued it with Christmas celebrations.

The Santa Claus tradition began with a very generous man in the middle ages.  His name was Saint Nicholaus of Myra.  He would go around the poor part of his village and give gifts to the children.  I still believe in Santa, do you?

Elves and reindeer were brought about by Pagan religions.

Decorating Christmas trees began in Scandinavia where people believed Evergreens scared away the devil.  In Germany fir trees were decorated to represent the tree in the Garden of Eden.  I am not sure which originated first.

The candy cane was made to symbolize Jesus.  The red was for his blood and the white symbolized sins being washed away.  The shape of the candy cane symbolizes the shepherd's crook.

In the middle ages, Christmas was a rowdy celebration much like Mardi Gras.

Christmas caroling began in England and was called "Wassailing"-toasting neighbors to a long and healthy life.

Whether your traditions or customs bring you peace or shenanigans at Christmas time, I wish everyone good memories and may you be surrounded by family and friends who love you.  Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 20, 2010


Deep sorrow concerning what has passed
This consuming black hole seems so vast
Despair and sorrow sting like bees
With bits of happiness sprinkled to tease
These moments float away on the breeze

Fidgeting thoughts consuming the mind
Wholesome and noxious intertwined
Sinking further into psychological strife
Becoming a prisoner of this life
Fear and uncertainty cut like a knife

Freedom waits within this heart
But cannot fathom where to start
Letting go the logical conclusion
Judgement clouded by so much confusion
Painfully obsessed with this delusion

Your friendship means the world to me
And for unknown reasons I turn to flee
Running from guilt, broken with shame
I long to hear you whisper my name
Please end this heartbreaking cruel game.

-Kathy Lewis

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Disposing of People

There is something wrong with this world.  VERY WRONG.

Maybe my view is jaded, but I feel like I have been disposed of by many people I thought were friends.  I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way.

Many times in the past friends would just stop talking to me.  Maybe I picked friends who don't like conflict, and rather than talk to me about what bothered them, they would just never return my calls or avoid me.  Or just be plain mean to me.  And I am not aware of anything that may have insulted them and have never hurt them on purpose or anything like that.  I just don't understand.

No matter what my friends do, I don't just stop being their friend.  I may not always approve of what they do and I might even voice my opinion about that, but I will always be there to encourage and love them no matter what.  If they do something bad, I might be mad for a while but I will eventually forgive them for ALMOST anything.  I don't understand why I don't have very many friends who treat me the same.  I am thankful for the FEW good friends I do have, most of whom I have met through derby.  I love you all!  Thank you so much for being a true friend.

If you have disposed of me, it is you who are missing out.  I am a loving, thoughtful, opinionated, and devoted friend who will be there through thick and thin.  Isn't that what strengthens friendships/relationships anyway?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Human Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological reactions used to cope or protect oneself and reduce anxiety.  Our main defense mechanisms are denial, displacement, intellectualization, projection, rationalization, reaction formation, regression, repression/suppression, sublimation, compensation, dissociation, fantasy, identification, undoing and withdrawal.  Defense mechanisms can be helpful and healthy if used properly.  However, if used improperly to prevent individuals from realizing their true thoughts and feelings.

Denial is one of the most identifiable defense mechanisms.  There are 3 ways people present denial:
1.  Simple denial-denial of reality and unpleasant facts all together.
2.  Minimization-Admit fact but deny seriousness.
3.  Projection-Admit both fact and seriousness but deny responsibility.

There are different types of denial as well:
1. Denial of fact.
2. Denial of responsibility.
3. Denial of impact.
4. Denial of awareness.
5. Denial of cycle.
6. Denial of denial.

Denial may be your body's way of telling you that you are stressed, in emotional conflict, having painful thoughts, etc.  If you don't move past denial, you may develop harmful behaviors towards yourself or others.  If you think you may be in denial, ask yourself what you fear, think about what may happen if you don't take action, allow yourself to express your fears and emotions, try to identify irrational beliefs about your situation, journal, open up to a confidante, or maybe find a support group.  If these steps don't work consider talking to a mental health professional.

If you know someone who is in denial, be there for them.  If you pressure them to deal with it, it could end up in an angry confrontation. Instead, let them know you will stick by them when they decide they are ready to deal with their feelings and emotions. 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Well We Finally Did It...

My husband finally got the vasectomy I have been wanting him to have since we had our daughter 6 years ago.  Long story short, he didn't do it while I had insurance after she was born and had to wait until we got insurance again which was in January of this year.  Having it in December ensured we wouldn't have to pay a high deductible.

The good thing about waiting 6 years is I am still as sure as I was 6 years ago that I do NOT want anymore kids.

Funny thing, I loved kids growing up and as a teenager and I always dreamed of having 6 kids.  I even had names picked out (none of which I ended up using).  Oh boy, I am glad that dream did not become a reality.  Something changed after I had kids of my own.  I adore my own children (when they aren't irritating me) and somehow grew to only tolerate other peoples' children.  When I see other children misbehave I am so glad they are not mine and I have a hard time not judging their parents.  I still love when my friends and I get together so our children can play.  I LOVE watching my kids play.  I will babysit on occasion but I am probably not anyone's first choice.  I am still good with kids, I just don't have the patience and expectations kids need. 

Thank you so much for going through this honey! 

Monday, December 6, 2010

Angry at Anger

Why does it have to be so strong?
Why does it make us act so wrong?
I never wanted to deal with this.
I wanted to stay in my own bliss.
It didn't have to come down to this.

Now I have people angry with me.
I did not want to do this you see.
The anger stooped way too low,
Disrespect started to flow.
I too felt the blow.

The confusion I cannot comprehend.
My own feelings I have to condescend.
Now the love I found no longer seems
to keep intoxicating my dreams.
Why'd you have to go to extremes?

-Kathy Lewis

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Celebrity Stupid Spending

I was home sick with my daughter on Monday when I caught some daytime TV I normally don't get to watch.  I was flipping channels and caught the beginning of The View and was absolutely stupefied by Barbara Walters statement about returning a gift or using a gift card and that she ends up spending money.  She said, "If you have $100 return or gift card, you can never find anything for $100 so I end up spending $1000 returning $400 worth of stuff," or something to that effect.  OH MY GOD!!  She is sooooo out of touch with reality.  I could find SEVERAL items to purchase with $100, not just one. 

Barbara isn't the only one.  I once heard Jessica Simpson say she spent $1200 on sheets!!  I buy sheets for $40 at the most and I could see spending even $200 on sheets.  However, those $200 sheets better help me sleep the best I've ever slept in my life or I would be pissed at myself for spending so much.  BUT $1200???  On sheets????!!!!!  I could buy a car!  Or fix things on my house at least.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are rumored to have spent $5000 on Suri's birthday cake.  I spent $75 on a clown and that was the most expensive item at the party-which was a treat of all treats to my daughter.  That kind of thing doesn't happen often in my household.  How could a kid being spoiled like Suri ever learn to appreciate the value of anything, let alone learn anything about sentiment?

I cannot believe we keep supporting these people by paying them so much!  In this day, when the economy is very unstable, really celebrities should be giving some of their money back to the economy and spend money like the rest of us "normal" people.  Or at least donate to all the unemployed and homeless people in this country.  Celebrities pooling their money together could very easily fix the government's problems.  Our government lets the celebrities make the money they do, so not all the blame goes to the celebrities.  We all know the government could use some fixing up in a lot of areas, not just money, but the government is just like some of the celebrities-WASTEFUL.  A Fox News blogger listed 102 of the worst ways the government spends tax dollars.  The top 5:
5: Storytelling festival in Utah ($15,000)
4: Door mats to the Department of the Army in Texas ($14,675)
3: University in New York researching young adults who drink malt liquor and smoke pot ($389,357)
2: Solar panels for climbing gym in Colorado ($157,800)
1: Grant for one Massachusetts university for "robobees" (miniature flying robot bees) ($2 million)

The things the government and a lot of people spend money on are not things that really matter.  You can't take those things with you when you die.  The government can't set a good example when it comes to spending so we can't expect any of the people of this country to either.