Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Let It Out or Let It Go

Let's face it, if you hold onto your anger, disappointment, frustration, etc., it is like embers that will eventually start a fire.  When the fire starts, all the past anger, disappointment, frustration, etc., gets piled on like logs on the fire never letting it burn out.  This is why if you are going to let it out, you should probably do so within a short period of time, not letting it fester for months to years or you will end up bitter, resentful, and even have thoughts of revenge.

If you don't like conflict and don't want to let it out by talking it out or in some other constructive way, you should probably make the decision to let it go.  Forgiveness is a great way to do this.  If you can't forgive then you are going to have a hard time letting it go, and maybe it's the time to seek professional help.  Start with forgiving yourself for being angry first, then try to forgive the offender.

Some constructive ways to let it go are expressive writing or journaling, meditation, cognitive therapy (changing the way you think), or talking with a professional to let it out without telling the offender.

If you are going to let it out, do so respectfully with no name-calling trying to use only "I" statements.  Try not to be accusatory or place blame. 

Most of all, I think forgiveness is the most important thing because it truly does make the anger dissipate.  It may not go away completely at first but forgiveness doesn't mean you don't get to be angry anymore, it just means that you refuse to let the anger control your actions towards that person and the love takes over.

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”-Bryant H. McGill
“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” -Sara Paddison
And if you want someone to forgive you try saying, "I was wrong, I am sorry.  Please forgive me."  You will be amazed at the results.