Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Mom Guilt

I am leaving my kids for 5 whole days.  I know I will have fun and be busy but I always miss them and feel guilty for leaving them that long.  They will be in good hands with my mama but I also worry about them giving her too much trouble or something.  They never have but I still worry.  Isn't that a mom's job?  I guess if I didn't I would think I was a bad mom.  I will of course call them daily but it's not the same as being able to reach out and hug them when I want to.  My daughter doesn't help with the guilt trip when she says things like, "Don't go Mom, stay here," which she said Monday night at dinner when I explained to her that Daddy and I would be going out of town and that she would have to stay with Grandma.  Ugh!

After September I will be taking a couple of weeks off derby to spend some quality time with my kids and my husband so I can feed the guilt monster.  That monster is really roaring after this derby-packed, new job-acquiring year.  I tell myself if I wasn't in derby I would be working a second job and wouldn't see my kids any more than I do now but it only pacifies the guilt for a little while. 

While I feel the guilt, I know that being involved in derby has helped me cope with other areas of my life and has taught me how teamwork can work in a family too.  If I didn't have that outlet, I probably wouldn't be as happy and positive as I am today.  My kids would probably notice me becoming stressed and bitchy if I didn't have derby.  And they are getting older and getting involved in things for themselves which is good for them.  If I waited until my kids grow up I would be too old to play and life is about having fun and being happy right?  So I am living life and I will take the happiness derby gives me over the mom guilt any day.  I just have to learn to balance it better.  :)